Summer greetings, dear friends! May the warm evening breezes be soothing your soul and may frosty iced drinks be cooling your body in these young days of summer 2011.
These early days of our warmest season were a long time coming, proven by this early May picture of me taken in Golden, Colorado in a 40-knot wind.
From season to season, our days continue. This is something that often is so hard for the newly widowed–to see life go on; the birds continue to sing, children continue to play and laugh; lawnmowers are still humming…
This is when life as she knows it has seemed to stop, abruptly! The pain is something she’s never felt before and knows she never will again.
Seven Biggest Mistakes Widows Make in Adjusting to Widowhood & How to Remedy Them
1. Avoiding grief. If we do not let ourselves do the necessary grieving, our healing will take a very long time, if it ever does happen. Often a widow will deliberately avoid crying or thinking of the loved one–to ignore the whole issue by keeping the mind super ‘busy’ with various distractions and constant activity. Make sure to take the time to remember the love you had and the many great experiences together. Take time to honor the memories and your loved one. Each of us must grieve in our own way, but grieve we must.
2. Too much isolation. Certainly, in the early days of loss, we must have time to ourselves to go through the necessary grieving, thought processes and mourning. However, after months and months of sitting home alone, it is almost certainly time to let an occasional activity or talk with friends, spice up our days.
3. Anger is a common response–anger at being ‘left behind’, ‘deserted’ or being left alone to handle all the finances, household and family problems, even though the intent for that to happen was certainly never there. This feeling is part of the overwhelm of your loss. Again, accept the right assistance, when you need it.
4. Insisting on doing everything yourself. Refusing help because you want to have everything under control and need no one. If their help works for you, let family and close friends do small things to lighten the load. This can help a great deal.
5. Fear. Fearing the unknown to the extreme. When fatalistic feelings overwhelm, the time has come for seeking the comfort and reassuring words of your pastor or perhaps a friend’s recommended spiritual adviser.
6. Letting overwhelming negative advice or criticism from relatives or friends take over your life. They may mean well, but you must do what works and is best for you. Set your boundaries; do your grieving in your own time and manner.
7. Guilt. Feeling that you did not do enough, care enough, love enough or do the right things for your loved one. Just remember that there is a time for everything. When you were together, you both did what was needed and was right for the time, including loving one other.
“At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us.”